Parker's Mission
by ItsSoFLUFFY
Summary: On a hot winter's day, Parker's thoughts go to some B&B lovin'. Parker has a big plan.  Desperate times call for desperate measures!  Will Parker be able to pull it off?
1. The Plan

**So this being my first fanfic ever, I really wanted to do a light, fun multi-chap with a fluffy BB ending. I will try and update regularly. Please read and give me some feed back, I am going to need some help!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

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Parker looked out of the window in his room. A red car, a blue car, a mother and her son. There had recently been a heat wave in D.C. so even though it was in the middle of winter; it was at least 90o F. All he wanted right now was to get some strawberry ice cream to cool him down. Or anything, in fact to cool him down. Parker was sweaty and bored, not a fun combination. It was Friday afternoon and he had just gotten back from school and he already missed his friends! Most of them went home to swim or to their grandparent's house to swim. Yes! Parker realized something better than a large heaping bowl of strawberry ice cream: swimming! And not just any swimming, swimming with Dr. Bones and his dad at her Olympic size pool with a diving board, although that was not going to happen anytime soon. His dad was dating his new girlfriend. The blonde girl. The one that looked just like his mom. Couldn't his dad just date Bones already? I mean they were clearly in love with each other. He remembered something Ms. Angela said, "They're pretty much undressing each other with their eyes." Parker knew that that was totally impossible, but that quote seemed to fit perfectly with his train of thought. Yup, Angela was right. Daddy really needed to get sexed up.

"Parker! Your dad's going to have you for the weekend!" Rebecca called

"What about his new girlfriend? I thought I'm not allowed to go when she's around?" Parker said as he flopped his way to the kitchen to do his homework with his mom.

"Your dad told me she went on a trip or something."

Good. Perfect. He missed his dad. Ever since "Hannah" had been around he had only seen his dad once in three whole months! And if his girlfriend wasn't around he would have his dad and Dr. Bones all to himself.

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"We're here Seeley!" Yelled Rebecca as she led a still sleepy, pajama clad Parker through the door of his dad's apartment.

"Hi Becca, thanks for letting me have him."

"Sure, no problem, take good care of him."

"Will do."

They say the same thing every time they drop me off!

Parker was tired. After he finished his homework, his mom pulled him onto the couch and forced him to watch some chick flick with him about a matchmaker best friend that reminded him of Ms. Angela. That's when he thought of a master plan. He hated his dad's new girlfriend who "loved" his dad who secretly loved Dr. Bones and Dr. Bones loved Daddy. Parker loved Dr. Bones too. And her pool. That's when the light bulb went off in his head. If he could get Dad to sex up Dr. Bones or Dr. Bones to tell his dad she was all lovey dovey for him, he could maybe, just maybe, have Dr. Bones as his stepmom. Then, he decided that getting Daddy to sex up Dr. Bones would be the way easier option. But then, he would have to get rid of Daddy's new girlfriend. Even though he hated Hannah, Parker new cheating on someone was a very bad thing; especially when sexing up was involved. How would he do this? Guilt trip, some trickery, and a little thing called cuteness.

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As Parker walked into his dad's home, he realized how different it had become. It wasn't a cool bachelor's pad anymore. It smelt like girl. The fridge was filled with pastries from Starbucks and not its usual Thai food leftovers and the bathroom smelt like roses, not its usual deliciously manly smell. His dad had even purchased new sheets!

Parker couldn't stand the look of this place and all he wanted to do was to go back home and play with his Xbox. Then he remembered his mission: Get Dr. Bones to love Dad. The mission was for the better of everyone! Well, feeling this disgusting, Parker thought that he might as well watch some cartoons on Disney channel. Turning on the TV Parker let his thoughts drift away.

Mission step one: Break Daddy and Hannah up without breaking Daddy's heart.

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As Booth watched his growing son peak around the house and finally settle on the couch, he noticed something different about his behavior. Parker seemed pre-occupied with his thoughts. It was then that Booth also noticed how awkward this silence was getting. Booth decided to maybe get Parker some breakfast, turn off the TV and have a man to man conversation with him. Good idea.

"Parker, do you want some chocolate milk."

"Daddy, I hate your new girlfriend"

What? That was not even an answer. Okay, man to man talk.

"Why Parker? What do you mean?"

Parker went back to watching TV without saying anything. By the way things were going, this was going to be a very awkward weekend.

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Booth dropped Parker off at Brennan's house because he had to deal with some 'pressing FBI business.'

_Yeah right, Daddy probably just wanted to pick Hannah up from the airport, warn her about me hating her, and then sex her up when she got mad. Whatever._

Parker sprinted through the doorway and jumped into Brennan's arms.

"Wow Parker, you are getting very heavy. Most likely because you are at the beginning stages of adolescence, at time in which puberty will begin and you will soon reach your full adult size."

"Gross Dr. Bones!"

"No, it is just a natural part of life. You should be looking forward, soon you will be a big, tough man instead of a little ticklish boy!" said Brennan as she began to tickle the little curly ball of energy.

"No…ahhh….I….am…haa…not….a…ticklish…..hahaaa…" Said Parker in between gasps for air.

So there they lay, on the hemp carpet having a tickle fight until Parker fell asleep on Brennan's stomach, only to wake up half an hour later on her guest room bed.

Parker woke up in a confused frenzy.

_Where am I? What happened to ?_

After a while, he clued in and went to find Brennan lying on her bed typing madly into the laptop at her side.

"Hey Bones, can we go swimming?"

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**How was it? Help me out here! Constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome. I promise to update soon!**


	2. Cannonball

Brennan never thought she was very good with children. During the rare times that she was alone with a child for an extended period, she couldn't help but feel old and awkward. Today though, she was having the most fun she had had in the last year; the tickle fight on her rug and Parker falling asleep on her abdomen, snoring lightly. She had carried him to the guest room and laid him to rest, then pulling out her laptop to work on yet another requested chapter. Brennan, who was usually dangerously focused on whatever task was at hand let her thoughts drift away to Parker, the young boy who was one half of the man she loved.

After she realized she had been daydreaming about Booth for the last five minutes, she started to type vehemently about Kathy Reich's adventures once again. Today, Kathy was babysitting Agent Andy's son Patrick for the weekend. This time she could admit that Kathy's day was truly based on her experience so far. Mid sentence, her thoughts were interrupted by a sleepy-eyed nine year old.

"Hey Bones, can we go swimming?"

"Parker, it's your day we can do whatever you want. Did you bring your swimming trunks?" Said Brennan while saving her work and closing her laptop, not realizing that Parker was already wearing his trunks.

"Of course I remembered them! I'm _wearing _them! But I forgot my sunscreen; can I borrow some of yours? Are you sure the pool is open? It's in the middle of December, but I am sure the pool is open because it is really hot out, right?" asked Parker.

Patiently, Brennan answered all of the questions and smothered on the sticky white substance onto Parker's face. Brennan thought about how domestic this scene felt. Recently, she had been thinking about family life way more than usual, though the possibility of starting a family anytime soon seemed more distant at that moment.

_It's just your natural, maternal instinct. There is nothing wrong with you._

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"Can you teach me how to do a cannon ball? I don't know how to do one and Mom won't teach me because she thinks I will use it for evil. I asked Dad but he keeps on telling me that he will teach me when he has time, but he _never_ has time now because he's always _Hannah_" said Parker went on as he and Brennan walked through the lobby to the pool.

"I highly doubt that your father is constantly in the presence of Hannah. Also, yes, I would love to teach you how to do a cannon ball, as long as you don't use it for 'evil' as your mother believes you will. Although I do not see how it simple, socially popular dive could cause much harm. "

"Cool! I told you that you were cool."

"My temperature is within a normal range - oh, you meant that I have an appealing personality. Thank you."

When they finally arrived at the pool, both Brennan and Parker were pleased to see that surprisingly, there was no one else there. After reapplying sunscreen and laying out their towels, Brennan and Parker jumped into the pool creating a massive splash. Parker was first to get back up onto the surface of the water, but Bones was nowhere to be found. Paddling around the pool, Parker felt someone grab is leg and pull him under water. He was scared at first, but then he realized that it was just Bones playing a prank on him. When they reemerged, the pair was laughing hysterically. After a splash fight, Brennan attempted to teach Parker the general concept of the physics of a cannonball.

"The size of the splash is directly related to the amount of force of the jump. What I mean is how hard your body hits the water. The harder the hit, the bigger the splash; so the answer to your next question is, to get a powerful hit, you need to run_ really_ fast and jump _really_ high. Being heavy helps too," said Brennan as she demonstrated a perfect cannonball resulting in a huge splash.

Parker tried to do the same thing next, but even though he ran fast and jumped high, his body was not squeezed tight enough to make a big splash.

"Aww… my splash wasn't big. And I did what you said!"

"Your run and jump was absolutely perfect, but now all you need to do is to apply more force per cubic centimeter of water," explained Brennan to an absolutely confused Parker while sitting on the edge of the pool. "What I mean is that putting more force on a tiny amount of space instead of less force on a big amount of space will make your splash bigger and a lot less painful. All you have to do is pull your legs into your body tighter and squeeze as hard as you can."

Parker got out of the pool and tried again, using all of Bones' advice. His splash was bigger this time. Each attempt Parker made resulted in a bigger and bigger splash. His next splash completely soaked a previously dry Brennan sitting at the edge of the pool. Parker beamed and Bones clapped as she took him in for a hug. Little did either of them know that Booth was watching the two most important people in his life lovingly from afar.

_Man she looks so hot in that bikini. What am I thinking? I just had sex with my _beautiful, smart _and _funny _girlfriend and I am already thinking about other women? But Bones isn't just any other woman._

"I brought subs!" said Booth as he approached the couple "Meatball for Hannah, me, and Parker and veggie for you Bones."

"Thanks Booth. Parker, I think that it means that it is time for you to go home now," said Brennan, getting out of the pool.

"Please, Dad, just a little while longer?" begged a sopping wet Parker.

"Fine, but I'm really hungry so I'm going to start eating my sub."

As Booth went to take a bite of his meatball sub, Bones cannon balled into the water, soaking Booth and his sub.

"Bones…." whined Booth.

"I am so sorry! I didn't realize that my splash would be that big," apologized Brennan, "here you can have half of mine."

She opened the Styrofoam box to hand some of hers to him. That's when Parker had a brainstorm. He ran as fast as he could and jumped really high and pulled his legs together and made the biggest splash yet, soaking Booth, Bones, and the entire box of subs. Booth and Bones stood there, dripping wet not knowing what had hit them.

"Oh, I am _so_ sorry! Now what are we going to eat?" said a pleased Parker.

"Maybe you can invite Hannah over to my place since you two are already here. I can cook my famous mac and cheese!" offered Brennan.

"Yeah, please Dad?"

"Okay, fine, but only if you agree to be nice to Hannah."

"Duh, Dad of course I will!"

_This is going perfectly. All I need now is for mass chaos to somehow strike._

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I really hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Please review!**


	3. First Degree Burns and First Encounters

**So here is yet another chapter! I'm most likely not going to be able to update tomorrow so hopefully I will be able to give you another chapter sometime today. Thanks for all the reviews and alerts. Please R&R!**

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When Hannah Burley met Seeley Booth, she thought he was perfect. A tall, dark, muscular sex god with a great personality. He was kind, but not overly so and he, like her, knew how to manipulate people to get what he wanted. In the Afghan desert, it was all about the mission; get the story, film the news. No one ever talked much about their personal life. Her makeshift date with Seeley was just as focused, get to know the basics, then sex. At that time, she _still _thought he was perfect. But then, as time went on, she inevitably found out more and more about him. For one, his best friend was his _partner_. 'Partner' huh? More specifically, Dr. Temperance Brennan of the Jeffersonian Institution, the author lady. Hannah Burley was not dumb; she like millions of other individuals had read some of her books. Enough to know that Kathy Reichs and Special Agent Andy Lister were madly in love with each other. She should have suspected something when Seeley Booth, shared the same name with the man in which one of her books was dedicated to and that his partner, the forensic anthropologist, was some kind of genius. Strike one. Next, she eventually found out that he has a nine year old son. Strike two.

Hannah Burley was a people person. She could charm people with her warm personality and good looks. She could make the toughest nuts crack with her simple logic and light jokes. Best of all, Hannah Burley could squeeze information out of anybody and manipulate them to get her way. In her 32 years of life she could handle all types of people and situations with grace and poise. With the exception of children. Kids were hard for her to deal with: They didn't understand her suggestive jokes or logic and she knew it was just wrong to seduce them into getting what she wanted. It all came down to the simple equation: Hannah Burley plus kids equals chaos and unruly parents.

She was lying in her bed pondering on life. That's when her phone rang. Caller ID: Seeley Booth.

"Hello?"

"Hey Honey. So I know I promised I'd bring back dinner for you, but Parker kinda soaked it. So Bones invited us over for dinner. Do you want to come?"

"I don't know, I told you I'm really bad with kids."

"Oh come on, just think of Parker as a short guy who can't drink. Anyways, I already talked to him about you. He promised to be nice."

"Fine, but are you sure that Temperance is okay with this."

"Yes, it's her pleasure."

"Good, I'll meet you guys at her place right after I get cleaned up."

"Kay, see you then."

"Love you."

"You too."

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Parker was in the kitchen, cooking with Brennan as his father called his girlfriend. Parker, meanwhile, was coming up with yet another master plan. At karate class, his sensei always told him to look for your opponent's weaknesses. So, Parker assumed that that same rule would apply here also. Weaknesses, well for one, Dad was still in love with Bones, but he would have to deal with that one some other time. Weakness number two, Dad wants to get married and have a ton of his own kids while Hannah, from what he had heard from his _sources _has no plans of getting married and only would ever adopt.

"Parker? Parker?" asked Bones ,"Are you there?"

Parker snapped out of his daze.

"Oh I'm sorry Dr. Bones; I'm just a little tired."

"That's fine; do you need to sit down so that your blood pressure can decrease?"

"No, I'm good. Can I try?" asked Parker gesturing the pot that Bones was stirring.

"Sure, go ahead," said Brennan holding Parker's hand while they stirred together, showing him the right way to cook. Parker eventually got bored and suggested that he should get the cheese out of the fridge. Booth walked into the kitchen and tapped Bones on the shoulder. Bones flinched and some of the boiling water jumped out of the pot and burned her arm.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry! Do you want me to get a band-aid for you?"asked Booth.

"No, I'll be alright; it's just a little first degree burn."

_Man, I've been excessively aware lately. I really need to stop being so jumpy._

"Are you sure? Here, let me take a look," Booth took her arm and inspected the burn. Parker noticed that the pot was beginning to over boil, and knowing Dr. Bones and his father; they were not going to notice anytime soon.

"That's pretty nasty, let me take care of it," said Booth as he dragged Brennan to her living room and located the first aid box. While rubbing ointment onto Bones' arm, he looked up and they stared into each other's eyes for what seemed to be an eternity. Almost on cue, Hannah walked in through the door.

"Am I interrupting something?"she asked

Booth and Bones quickly returned to alertness.

"Oh, no, I was just helping Bones with this nasty burn."

"Yeah, I'll take care of this. Why don't you introduce Hannah to Parker," said Brennan. Booth gulped: This was going to be interesting. Booth walked Hannah over to the kitchen where Parker was obediently cooking carefully the way Dr. Bones had taught him earlier, melting the cheese and mixing it in with the macaroni while thinking some not so obedient thoughts about his master plan.

"Parker, this is Hannah," started Booth.

"Mm hmm…" mumbled Parker, still stirring and not turning around to look at either of them.

"Hannah, this is my son Parker."

"So I've heard," agreed Hannah. Yes this was very awkward. Parker kept silent for a few minutes and the couple stood there while Parker tinkered around familiarly in Brennan's kitchen.

"So Parker, do you want some chocolate soymilk?" asked Booth to break the silence, gesturing towards the fridge. Meanwhile, Parker was thinking about a comeback statement way more eloquent than, 'Daddy I hate your new girlfriend.' And besides: Parker was supposed to be nice to Hannah.

"Hannah do you want your own kids?" questioned the nine year old. Yes, perfectly unrelated question, a surefire way to get back a _horrible _answer. Booth had a startled look on his face: Never in a million years would he have predicted Parker's response.

_I am NEVER asking him if he wants any chocolate milk ever again._

"No. There are children already in this world who need good homes. If I decided to have a child I would adopt one of those kids," replied Hannah. To the majority of people, that would have seemed like a decent answer; but to Booth, suddenly, Hannah didn't seem so perfect after all. Booth wanted his own kids, lots of them.

Brennan was listening in on their conversation. Even with her limited understanding of common social mores, she could tell that the conversation was not going to a good place. She decided to walk in and interrupt the conversation.

"Looks like the Mac and Cheese is done. Parker, do you want do me a big favor and set the table?" suggested Brennan.

"Of course! Can we use the cool red place mats?"

"Any color you want," she answered. Hannah wished she was that good with children. She also wondered why Parker seemed to like Temperance so much, she did not seem like someone who would be good at talking to children.

The quad finally set down to eat and said grace. Booth was pleased to see that Bones did not protest to their pre-meal prayer.

"So Hannah, are you going to marry my dad?"

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**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please hit the review button!**


	4. Deniable Deniability

The meeting was going pretty decently so far. Parker was being a good kid and Hannah had seemed to calm down a little as Bones walked into the room and suggested that Parker set the table. Ever since Hannah arrived at the apartment, the feeling in the air turned from carefree to completely awkward; not being helped by Bones' silence and Parker's nosy questions.

"So Hannah, are you going to marry my dad?"

"_Parker,"_ Booth gave him a menacing glance.

Hannah calmly replied, "Well, we don't have any plans of that thus far."

"Thank God," Parker mumbled in response followed by yet another warning stare from Booth. Brennan didn't know what to say during the length of the conversation. She felt like an intruder in her own home so she decided to stay quiet.

"You look like all of Dad's old girlfriends. Well, except for Cam. I used to think that Daddy and Dr. Bones were going to get married, but then Daddy went to war and came back with you," Parker went on, Hannah looking confused, "I'm going to get some grape juice."

A collective sigh of relief came from the trio of adults and Booth was staring across the table at Bones. When they heard Parker go into the bathroom, Booth and Bones, going with their instincts, filled the awkward silence with talk about the on-going case while Hannah seemed pre-occupied with her own thoughts.

_Wait, so Seeley has a type? What happened between Temperance and Seeley before he left for war?_

Parker came out of the bathroom and took an extra long time getting some of Dr. Bones' organic grape juice. He decided to give the adults some time to stew. That's when he saw a warning on the grape juice bottle. WARNING: MAY PERMANENTLY STAIN CLOTHING. Lightbulb. Parker filled the grape juice up to the edge of the glass and untied one of his shoe laces. He slowly made his decent to the dining room where he greeted Hannah with a 'trip' and a face full of organic grape juice. Hannah looked up and realized that her white shirt was stained and her makeup was dripping a little bit.

"Oh! I am so sorry! My shoelace was untied I tripped!" apologized Parker.

"It's fine, it was an accident," replied Hannah. Then Brennan showed Hannah the way to the bathroom and Booth helped Parker clean up the mess.

"Bud, what's wrong? You haven't been acting like yourself lately?" questioned Booth.

"I'm sorry Dad; I just miss hanging out with you because you are always with Hannah."

"Okay, tomorrow, after church we can have some man to man time. Just you and me Bud, okay?" Booth offered. Suddenly, he realized how much he had been neglecting his son over Hannah since he came back from war.

"That sounds great Dad!"

_Great. Now I can have my Dad all to myself and plant some sabotage on Hannah._

Hannah and Brennan reemerged from the hallway. Hannah was wearing one of Brennan's old shirts and her makeup was removed. Booth couldn't help but notice that when her makeup was removed, Hannah didn't seem as pretty.

_Unlike Bones: She looks even better without makeup._

The rest of the meal was uneventful. (Besides more warning stares from Booth as Parker threw peas at Hannah.) The adults chattered on for the next half an hour. In the while, Parker was silent and stirring up yet another plan of sabotage in his mind.

When, the meal finally ended Brennan and Booth cleaned the table while Parker and Hannah spent some 'quality' time together cleaning dishes.

"You don't know who I am so you don't trust me. Maybe you hate me a little, or even a lot. I might be trying to steal your dad. Wouldn't it be better if you knew for sure what was going on?" started Hannah, "So you have a real reason to hate me. So here I am: Ask me anything you want anything at all."

"Do you sleep with my dad?"

"Yes."

"If you got married, what would I have to call you?"

"Hannah, that's my name."

"Do you have any questions for me?" questioned the boy.

"What's your middle name?"

"Matthew."

"Were your father and Temperance really going to get married?"

"I'm not sure but I know that he is very in love with her. They keep on telling me that they aren't dating but Angela tells me that Daddy is getting sexed up with Bones. I thought she was going to be my new mom."

"Oh," replied Hannah. The dishes were just finished being washed and Booth had walked in just in time to hear the ending of Parker's last sentence. New mom? Who?

When Parker, Booth, and Hannah finally made their departure home from Bones' apartment, Brennan was not sure what had just happened. Had the conversations gone good or bad? Under most circumstances she would have asked Booth.

At Booth's apartment, Parker showered and washed all of the chlorine out of his hair. Meanwhile Booth watched ESPN and Hannah proofed read her new article before e-mailing it out to her editor. Later that night, when Parker was tucked in and 'sleeping,' Hannah and Booth laid together in bed. Neither one of the pair realized that Parker was listening in to their conversation with a glass cup in his adjacent room.

"So Seeley… I'm just wondering, not that this would make a difference in our relationship: Did you sleep with Temperance?"

"No I never did. Why are you wondering?"

"Did you date her?"

"No! No!" denied Seeley a just a forcefully enough to arise some suspicion from Hannah.

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**Depending on what time zone you live in; I kept my promise and technically published this before midnight :) Review please?**


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